I thought the lights would be switched on, but someone switched the lights out and destroyed the switch. Mum's back from visiting my grandpa. It'll not be long for me to witness another relative's death.
Since young, my grandfather never seemed to be like a grandfather. He often plays tricks on us, bullied us and does the most ridicule stuff that no grandfather ever does. Thus, many of us (kids) seem to detest his presence. We took pains to find a place where he will not invade and start his assaults on us, but of course, we never found one. It makes us not like him more than ever.
Come to the think of it, I did not remember myself treating him well anyway. I gave him real bad attitudes since young, and I dislike him being around me because whenever I see him, I just feel uncomfortable. What have I done as a grandson? Nothing. Not even wishing him a happy birthday. I am a pathetic example of a grandson.
I guess shit happens really fast. Within a span of two years, my grandfather, from a strong person, became a weak, feeble and sickly one. I thought everyone would not be as sad, because every kid doesnt have a good impression of him. On friday dawn, we rushed back to Port Dickson. The minute i saw his face, I couldnt hold back my tears. Didnt really cry, but some tears just trickled down without my command. During the wake, not much tears were shed, not until the coffin was closed.
The past few days let me thought of how bad i was as a grandson. I am that pathetic. I'm the pathetic one. What I can do now is only pray, that when my grandfather reaches heaven, he will be able to feel the love of the Lord. To my grandfather, I'm so sorry for not being the good grandson that I could have been, but I know that deep in my heart, I love you. May Jesus light your way to heaven, amen.
I never doubt the will to live in my heart, because I cherish life just like everyone does. But how I make my life seem happier is the tough question. I asked myself 2 questions.
What makes me happy in this world?
My loved ones. They are those that I cherish alot, those that lived with me through tough times, and those whom I know who cherishes and loves me for who I am. They are seemingly dominant to my feelings, controlling every itsy bitsy edge of my feelings by just small influential actions. Its hard to live without them, because without them, I wont be able to share my joy of life, my sorrows and my anger.
Friends are those who stand by you through times, although friends do change. Family, though I dont believe in family bonding anymore, I know there are still happy families out there that can flourish the Earth with love in between family members.
What do I live for?
The answer is simple.
Love.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
Love is what make a person wholesome. We dont wish for someone that doesnt know what love is as our friends, nor do we wish for someone who doesnt know what love is as our livelong partner. Love makes the world go round. We do love something, definitely something is loved deep down in our heart.
Business man loves money. Playboy loves to flirts. Emos loves to be emo. Rather weird to state those examples, but the point in stating them is that, even those people who does not seem to love the world actually loves something.
"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
To me, love is a bond, a promise and a
service.
Love is what brings our friends and us together. In others, love is the bond
that binds humans together. We feel comfortable with love around us, and
love IS
definitely important.
Love is a promise, a promise to not let go, a promise to believe, a promise
signed in the heart to never stop loving. When ever we say we love someone,
its
a promise. Because love is eternal.
Love is a service. We love to give joy to others, and it already means
serving others by giving joy to others. Love is to give and not expecting anything back. That is also known as unconditional loving. Unconditional loving is seemingly the best choice to change the world, because it is no longer a If-You-Can-Win-And-I-Win-Too or If-I-Win-And-You-Lose thing, its serving with the You-Definitely-Win-Regardless-If-I-Win-Or-Lose attitude. Then definitely, there will be no losing situation, because we get the to love others, and its something that is a win for our soul.
I've never stopped loving before, and I dare say, I love every minute of my life. Love makes me happy, and I never want to stop this momentum of loving. Reinforcing what I stated above, love is what makes me wholesome. I will love until every living creature cease, until my body returns to the ground, until my last breath in this world.
Love is the burning flame in my heart, it is the will to live that empowers me with courage and strength. This is why I fear the death ahead of my life, but relish in the joy of living.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:13